9.8.07 was our wedding day. September 8th will always be my day for Jim. 10 years ago, I imagined we would be celebrating this milestone anniversary with a trip back to Hawaii or possibly Ireland. There was never a thought in my mind ten years ago that I would be waking up on our tenth anniversary without Jim next to me. That was unfathomable. 10 years ago we exchanged our vows and promised to remain by each other’s side in sickness and in health, until death do we part. Heaven knows that we couldn’t have predicted that our “in sickness” vow would be put to the test 5 years into our marriage and that “till death do we part” would actually happen after 8 years of marriage. I’m positive that no one who was there to witness one of the happiest days of our lives could have have imagined that either.

We really did have a blessed marriage. Jim was really the great man that everyone knew him to be. He was the same awesome guy out with friends, or at work, as he was at home. If we fought, it was short lived and we only fought fair. He put up with me being a  total crazy person for a total of 18 months (ok, more like 24 months) while I was pregnant with each of our boys like a champ. He loved his boys “more than air” and when he was diagnosed with cancer, every drop of chemo was worth it if it meant just little more time, one more bedtime story or one more hug from his little bears. Jim spoiled me completely – even after he got sick he still cooked, did most of the laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming etc. He worked full time until about 6 weeks before he died because he always wanted to provide for and protect me and the boys. It hurt him deeply that he knew he could only do so much as time started to run out.

This anniversary hurts. Maybe because society makes this one, the ten year, along with the 20, 25, 50 year anniversaries out to be major accomplishments.  There has been anticipatory grief leading up to this date. Lots of tears over the “what life should have been”. I can’t have my husband back.  I can and will tell you that my vow to love him, and honor him extends beyond his death. I love Jim unconditionally and always will. I will always consider myself to be his wife, and as his widow, I strive to make him proud and honor his memory. I need that. Our boys need that. I’m grateful for all Jim gave me in his life and since his passing.

Jim, happy anniversary, I love you so much.