Feeling Lonely?
There are many ways to connect with other people. Lately, I have been reading more about the loneliness and disconnection many people are feeling.
From my experience, loneliness has shown up as a message saying, “you are forgetting something.”
That feeling of forgetting to close the garage door or lock the gate. It is subtle, not remembering if you did something that you usually do automatically. It is a slight discomfort that is asking for PRESENCE.
It is hard to remember if you closed the garage because when you closed it (on auto-pilot) you were also ruminating on all your problems and saving the world from AI bots.
When I began my motherhood journey, I experienced bouts of deep and dramatic loneliness. I was isolated on most days as I stuck to a schedule that worked for us. I remember wanting to talk with others and getting to know all my retired neighbors in the process.
Advice That Makes Sense
I received the advice to make new mom friends. Yes, connect with others who are experiencing the same thing as you. Of course, this will fill your emptiness with companionship.
I made the effort, joining groups and exchanging numbers. I set up play dates and talked about all things “mom” until I realized, I am exhausted from all this chatting and still feel very LONELY.
Loneliness is not an outside job. Many of us have experienced loneliness in crowds, groups, and relationships. This is a clear sign – it is not about others. It is about yourself and something that you have forgotten.
In hindsight, I recognize I wanted others to fill a void for me. I was seeking to get to know and understand them so that I could understand myself. This didn’t lead me anywhere but confused and in constant comparison.
Connection Exists in Mysterious Ways
I eventually let go of trying to make new mom friends and instead discovered a writing group. I always had a longing to write more and be part of a community. But, I didn’t see myself as a “real writer” and wasn’t big on formal groups.
Looking back, my yearning to join a writing group was clear. I had random friends “think of me” over the years and share information but it never worked out.
When I finally joined this writing group, I was surprised that many of the sessions were quiet. The light connection included sharing bits of our struggles and success with writing projects –that’s it! Most of the time it was silent writing without video.
Yet, somehow my loneliness faded. I remembered that writing has been my favorite outlet for emotional expression and my chosen medium of inner guidance. I sat and wrote without a clear idea and ended each session feeling lighter.
I started new projects and ended ones that no longer felt aligned. I shared what I was working on openly and it felt easy. It felt simple. Some weeks my schedule would be full or I’d take space and that was fine too.
Solutions That Feel Right
Turns out the solution to my feeling of loneliness was giving myself permission, time, and space to try something new and do something I have always loved to do (but rarely made time for.)
Of course, with time I did create relationships and get to know others on a deeper level. However, that was just the toppings to my acai bowl.
The “thing” I was forgetting was to make time to do what I love because it made zero sense at the time. The “thing” was about remembering who I am at a heart level rather than my role as a mom. It was play, enjoyment, and fulfilling to spend time with myself in this way.
Sometimes passions are obvious and sometimes they get lost along the way. With a little digging and brave action you can shift feelings of loneliness and isolation by saying YES to yourself and enjoying creative pursuits that fill your cup.
Guiding Questions:
- What do you love? (Not sure? What did you love as a child)
- What makes you feel good?
- What have you stopped doing that you want to start again? What have you started doing that you want to stop?
With love and light,
Orly