Last year on Mother’s Day, I signed up for a painting class. It was a Mother’s Day offering similar to paint n’ sip except it was in the morning for mothers. We painted a vase filled with wild flowers. Luckily my mom and sisters were on board and we did this together.

The truth is… I had been wanting to paint for a while and had ignored, postponed, and avoided the urge. Mother’s Day felt like the opportunity where I could finally give myself permission to do something fun and creative. Basically a YES to spending time and money on a creative experience.

The teacher said something right at the start of the lesson that stuck with me,

“you don’t have to do anything with the art you create. If you want, you can throw it out the minute you walk out the door.”

It was an honest statement after years of teaching art and witnessing the immense self judgment we have – even if it’s something that was meant to be playful and nourishing.
Even with that statement, I felt myself tighten up. How silly, I judged myself for judging myself! I know I wasn’t the only one. Suddenly, I had an avalanche of questions and concerns.

My tendency to control the outcome was really whispering… (if it’s good than I am good) and the expectation that this painting would be something I keep and hang up was really whispering… (I didn’t waste the time and money.)

While painting I had to laugh out loud at myself. As I peeked over to see what the others had done and how theirs came out. I watched myself compare and get curious about the differences in shape, color, consistency, and patience. Do I continue adding colors and fixing spots or just leave it be and done?

This Sunday, it will be a year since that experience and I now recognize it as one of the many seeds. With the teacher’s statement being a major reminder that guides me. Here it is again:

“You don’t have to do anything with the art you create. If you want, you can throw it out the minute you walk out the door.”

It became the water that has been helping my creative spark grow. That is the thing about planting seeds. You rarely see them while they are doing the massive work of growing roots under the soil. That doesn’t mean nothing is happening, just means your eyes don’t recognize it – yet.
This morning I walked over the kitchen table with my dragonfly mug filled with coffee and saw a mess. Journals and sketchpads along with markers and oil pastel crayons. My husband’s half finished puzzle covering up the space for actual dining. And this feeling of simple happiness.

When I look back at last year’s art adventure and the many it has led to – I don’t give a flying f*ck about what I painted. I keep it in my den not because of how it looks but because

It warms my heart that I showed up with my mom and sisters and we experienced something together – what a great memory.
And…
I am grateful the teacher reminded us right at the start that what we create doesn’t really matter. It’s about the process of creating and it continues to fill my cup daily.
There’s something about saying YES to yourself even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if it feels unnecessary or wasteful. It is an honoring of your heart and for me each year it gets easier and easier. In the same vein, I feel lighter, happier, and more my true self.

Questions to Consider:
How do you want to spend your free time?

Where can you plant a small seed of inner joy?

What have you put down that you want to pick back up?

With love and light,
Orly