This morning I went to the post office to drop off a gift for an old friend. It immediately took me back to past memories and how much has changed over the last few years in my life and in general.

They say “change is the only constant” yet most people begin to feel resistant to any space outside of our cozy routines. This is true both to external comfort zones as in daily activities and internal zones of mindset and beliefs.

It made me wonder how one of the most natural things in life – change – can feel so dreadfully uncomfortable. I often link the sameness of life to safety.

When I think I know how things will be, I feel more at ease. I don’t have to worry because the familiar feels like a neighborhood I have driven through a million times. I know where to slow down, when to turn left and how I’ll get back.

Staying in the same neighborhood may feel like home at times, but in other seasons, staying in the same neighborhood feels like a cage. This is especially true when you’ve naturally outgrown your current space.

Suddenly, the same route becomes mundane and knowing where everything will be feels monotonous. This is such an incredible place to be because the sameness that once brought you comfort now pushes you towards an edge.

Sharp Edges

They’ve always been there, but now you are looking that new direction. Curiously, taking small steps forward, dancing and then turning back.

A place of discovery and unknowns. It is uncertain but it is exciting. It is uncomfortable yet expansive. It is so obvious yet it feels like it came from out of nowhere.

Though it comes from somewhere inside of you, it also begin to feel like if you don’t take those steps, the universe, God, or life has a way of slightly pinching you to move forward.

For most of my life, I stayed away from sharp edges. I put on my boxing gloves and vowed to fight off the grief that comes along with changes. I chose comfort and sensibility. This wasn’t easy because variations, fluctuations, and seasons are natural and necessary.

The need to define, label and make meaning from experiences kept me safe by giving me a direction. For example, I am this and I am not that. I believe this and I don’t believe that. I eat this and not that. I do this for work but not that.

Until just like the neighborhood you’ve always known, your desires and interests start to feel like they are too small for you.

Letting Yourself Be

The more I embrace living with the seasons and being aware of cycles, the more I am able to allow change without judging it or protecting it. There is a natural flow of life and it doesn’t require fixing or analyzing – it just is what it is.

And if things are what they are then perhaps, just maybe, I can be more of what I am too!

I am not mad it’s cold during winter because winter is an important part of a larger cycle. Without winter I won’t arrive at summer. I don’t hate that I caught the flu and was resting most of January because I know it’s going to pass and Im recovering.

Certain doors (work, friendship, etc.) will close, then some will surprisingly open. It is natural to look back and say, “remember when…” with fondness or grief AND it is also natural to wonder, “what now and what’s down there”?

If staying in our comfort zones is what we are familiar with and moving toward the edges is what we don’t know or admit about ourselves, an amazing place to start to explore are all things you believe you are not.

What Are You Not?

This is a BIG question and one that has many possible answers. For many years, I argued that I was NOT a stay at home mom. Sure, I worked from home and managed most of the home and family life activities, but I ran my own dream life coaching business.

In the past, I argued that I am NOT a group type person. I am introverted and prefer one on one conversations. Sure, I found some amazing groups and different programs that were a group oriented but that was just the exception to the rule.

For a while, I comfortably called myself a writer and spent time invested in this outlet but did NOT see myself as an artist or a creative. Sure, I also spent the same amount of time with markers, crayons and clay but that wasn’t anything.

When I was younger, I considered my sensitivity and shyness to mean I was weaker or not capable of facing the hard truths of life. Sure, I kept showing up and learned how to manage with my nervous system and perceptive heart but that was often a struggle so didn’t mean much.

Do you get the idea here? Certain things feel comfortably within our zone of acceptance and some things we just can’t see or allow…yet.

From a different perspective I am very much a stay at home mom, a group person, a creative artist using new mediums, and a resilient human capable of handling change and sadness.

All the things you believed you are not —this is where your comfort zone and your edge gently kiss. This is where you give yourself permission to expand. This is where you let yourself BE more of what you already are.

Questions to Ponder:

1. What are your edges? If they could speak what would they say?
2. What have you decided that you ARE NOT? Is this always true or is there wiggle room?
3. Where can you easily step into a new open space?

With love and light,
Orly