If you are sensitive, it is likely that you have guarded your heart. This happens unconsciously when we are young. There’s an experience – maybe we remember it, maybe we don’t, that hurts deeply and without the support and tools to process it, we build a wall. That wall is what I call “unhealthy” pride. It is not necessarily bad though – it just is there for the wrong reasons.

It is the wrong reason not because it shouldn’t have happened or because it was a mistake. This is life and we came here to live it so there will be some suffering in order to learn.

Rather, it is the wrong reason because it led you to:

1. not process the emotion
2. not trust your heart 
3. guard your heart from receiving and giving unconditional love 

Unhealthy Pride
Though I have always considered myself sensitive, I also have a lot of pride. Through life’s lessons, I learned how to love myself enough to get out of situations and relationships where I didn’t feel respected. That being said, I have also used pride as an armor to not forgive, forget or move forward after being hurt.

Many times I didn’t even realize that I was doing this – it was unconscious. To clarify, it not that I cut myself off from meaningful relationships and learnings but that I disconnected from my heart and therefore myself. Which if you think about it, is not different than disrespecting myself.

If I don’t allow others to disrespect me then why would I disrespect myself?

For me, it is not respectful to myself to hide behind walls. When I do that I am not honoring my heart. I am not giving myself the credit and trust that I deserve. In matters of the heart, there is something magical that happens when you realize that whatever seeming ENORMOUS challenge stands in the way, you can trust yourself to get through to the other side.

Healthy Pride
Back to the “good” pride which I liken to having your own back. Healthy pride means you are able to stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are without making yourself smaller than others. I picture standing tall, chin up, arms open – ready to face it. This is important and feels like self-respect.

Standing up for yourself feels really good. It may also feel scary and uncomfortable, but it takes courage and that courage isn’t a one time thing, it comes with you to other areas.

The Combo Platter

In some situations you are utilizing both healthy and unhealthy pride. For example, you may stand up for yourself or leave a bad relationship which is healthy – but, you may simultaneously be guarding your heart by avoiding the pain or carrying it with you into new situations and relationships.

For me, I didn’t have my own back with emotions that felt bad, wrong, scary or too much. I gave my power to security defenses (walls) instead of to my capability of facing grief, heartache, loss or discomfort. When I sat with it and embraced it, I started to heal this rift with my heart.

When I began to gain the resources to realize this and to face it, I learned that it was not bigger than me and that I didn’t need the walls. I needed to trust myself, to have my own back and to move through it.

Once you do this, you realize that there’s no reason to guard your heart any longer – the walls can come down and the connection to yourself will astound you. Your relationships improve and shift back to alignment. Whether it’s healthy pride, unhealthy pride or a combination, you are reconnecting to your heart.

Guiding Questions:

1. Think of experiences of both healthy + unhealthy pride.
2. Do you guard your heart? Where and why?
3. Are you willing to trust yourself with matters of the heart?

With love and light,

Orly