Six years ago- this week, Jim and I closed escrow on our dream house. I was seven months pregnant with Finnegan and our oldest son was two years + two months old. Jim’s cancer diagnosis was a year away from becoming our reality. Life was beautiful. This house was everything we wanted. It had enough room for our growing family, this neighborhood was more than we could have imagined: so many other young kids and families, neighbors that became friends who stepped in after knowing us for only 1-year to help us “big-time” after cancer came to knock us off of our feet. Jim and I pictured raising the boys in this house; only thinking of moving from here when the kids moved out. By then, Jim would be ready to move somewhere with a woodworking shop out back and on land where he could hunt and explore with our grandkids. But, as you know, that’s not how things worked out. And one year after we bought this beautiful home, we were coming to grips with the idea that Jim had terminal cancer.

Looking back on our move into this house…. I didn’t have to do anything. -Jim literally took care of it all (along with some friends & family helping). He was a machine. He would work all day, come home, make dinner and play with Shamus, then work on projects at our first house to prep for the move here. It was just who he was. I honestly didn’t think we’d leave this home for decades. Yet, here I am, six years later…..-preparing to put our “Dream Home” up for sale. The boys and I are moving to a tiny town in Illinois into my boyfriend, Jason’s old, five acre farmhouse. And I’m “smitten” with this idea!  -We have goats & chickens, and room to let four boys (between the two of us we have 4-boys, ages 11,8,7 and almost 6) run and ride tractors all day. This almost doesn’t seem real and it was not something that was part of the plan six years ago. Moving from this home is hard. Packing our life and pieces of Jim is bringing up pain and sorrow; yet they are mixed with these feelings of excitement and happiness. This move is bringing us geographically closer to Jim’s parents and sister. The boys will be attending the same school that Jim’s parents taught at and that Jim attended as a child.

I can’t express enough gratitude to my In-Laws for how supportive they have been. The decision to move forward with life has not been taken lightly by me. If Jason was not the man he is, this would not be possible… – because at times it is painful. Jason is very understanding that there are a lot of “grief-triggers” with this move. We have discussed where Jim’s urn will be at his house; and on one afternoon after taking down a television that Jim had mounted in the basement, we were staring at a hole in the wall. I said to Jason “What was Jim thinking? Look at this hole that we have to patch now!” Jason gently looked at me and said “Cat, he didn’t expect to move from here”. I walked away in tears and Jason just knew that I would be okay……-the sad comes with the happy. I believe that Jim would want me to be happy and he left letters for me stating that he wanted me to find love again. I also know that he trusts me to make the best decisions for our sons and this is it. Even as the tears come while I’m painting and packing, I know it’s the best decision for us. Life is messy, and sad, and exhilarating all at once and I’m just grateful to be here.

Attached is a picture of Jim’s Orbs that contain his ashes…. now sitting on a bookshelf in the boy’s new room at Jason’s house. ️