In a few days my family and I are going on an international trip. There is already buzzing excitement and butterflies flying around the house. It is a feeling of nerves but also enthusiasm.

The funny truth is that I hate and love to travel.

I love to have new experiences and be present in a different culture. I love the memory making and the magic that we find without knowing we’d find it. I love that you leave one person and you come back a different person.

At the same time, I hate leaving the comfort and security of my own home. I hate airports, crowds and lines. I hate not knowing exactly where I am going or how to get there. I hate constantly calculating the money conversion. Don’t even get me started on the small, suffocating airplane.

Yet, there is part of me that really desires this experience. It is not because it is going to be comfortable (my favorite) or perfect (my security), it is because I am going to grow.

And as much as I don’t like it, it’s necessary for me to step outside my comfort zone and give myself permission to play in the unknown.

Growth is Messy

While a lot of people go on trips focused on the fun — laying in the sun with a big floppy hat. I can’t stop thinking about how much Advil and Pepto to bring! My focus is on what might go wrong.

This is a normal human response to fear. There is fear present. But, why would a fun not to mention costly trip spark fear? My desire for safety, even the illusion of safety means more to me than fun. Except, it doesn’t mean more to me than growth.

Which happens by facing my fears and sometimes overriding my need to know exactly how it will all turn out. When the opportunity arose, (because I wanted it too) I said yes. So here I am prepping for the trip and noticing that while I am dreading certain parts, I know that I can get through it (most likely in a messy way) because that’s just how it goes (especially when you are hangry, hot, and have no idea how much you just paid for parking)!

Creative Solutions
Traveling reminds me a lot of my journey with creative expression. Because I had no idea where it was going or why I was doing it. I still wanted to do it. It made me feel deeply uncomfortable to sit down with a blank page and begin. I found a lot of excuses. I felt afraid. I had no idea what I was doing.

A few years ago I volunteered at my daughter’s school garden. It was only me and the mom that was in charge. I found myself asking a lot of questions and loved the idea of gardening more.But I also didn’t garden and wanted to get it right aka I really didn’t want to get it wrong! She said, “Sometimes I drag my plants around the house so they get enough sunlight and if they don’t I throw them out and try again.” I paused at that statement and had to laugh at myself.

She was basically saying, I don’t know exactly how to do it and that didn’t stop me from starting. We all know that in order to learn, it is necessary to begin. Yet, I didn’t want to begin until I understood exactly how to do it! And this is where a lot of people get stuck. The belief that there is a perfect way to be creative and that it’s a waste to try and see what happens. I used to believe that creative pursuits had to be productive. If not, it was wasteful.

This is why traveling is such a great reminder. I don’t see a trip as productive if it was enjoyable and a waste if it wasn’t — even when it’s full of unexpected detours— it still feels worthwhile. It feels like I am becoming. I understand that travel opens me up and lifts me higher in a way that cannot be measured. My perspectives expand and I learn more about myself through the experience. I believe that creativity deserves the same loving-kindness.

Not every journal page or creative outlet becomes something to share. In fact, it doesn’t need to. The value is in who I become through the experience and not what I make! Similar to travel, it’s about allowing the experience to unfold and allowing it to help us grow.

Here’s a gentle invitation: take ten minutes to create something with zero expectations. In fact, give yourself permission to toss it into the trash after. Just notice how you feel afterwards.

With love and light,
Orly