“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brene Brown

We all have experienced feeling shame around some part of ourselves and our life experience. It could be something that happened to us as children that led us to believe we are bad, a personality trait that felt different and led us to hide or something we did that we mistakenly assumed wasn’t forgivable.

For me, my innate nature of being sensitive, emotional + introverted led to a lot of misconceptions around my worth. I easily remember having important conversations with former bosses, colleagues, professors, friends, and family while being on the verge of tears and trying so hard to repress those emotions.

Likewise, I remember standing in the airport about to start a journey (one that I dreamed of going on) and second guessing myself because the emotion meant something was wrong with me. In other words, I might not be capable of this. This is true when I started new programs, made new friends, and listened to people sharing their truth.

I have realized that it was not the act itself of crying in front of others that bothered me so much. It was the shame I attached to being vulnerable. I blamed myself for being weak because I allowed my emotions to take over. I judged myself as wrong or crazy for doing that.

Quite naturally I could not repress those tears and eventually they poured out! It is funny that we cannot resist what so clearly needs to move through us, yet still try – no matter how much suffering ensues. Check out a past article on “Why Crying is Healthy.”

Here are some old beliefs I had about myself that led to shame:

“I should be stronger than that.”
“I should be able to separate my emotions from x,y,z.”
“I should handle changes more gracefully.”
“I should know what I want.”
“There is something wrong with me.”
” I shouldn’t make mistakes.”

The “shoulds” are what kept me stuck in thinking that I was weak. It also made me question my ability to lead powerfully and to believe in myself.

This had a tremendous negative impact on my confidence level, and I would get down about myself. I compared myself to other people who weren’t emotional + sensitive + introverted and thought there was something seriously wrong with me. Of course, comparison is the worst way to understand ourselves – we are each unique and beautiful, but comparison makes it there is only one right way.

After starting my own business in 2016 and diving into entrepreneurship, I began to see my emotions, sensitivity, and intuition as GIFTS. I would not be able to heal, coach, write, mother and be the person I am today without these gifts. I wouldn’t be able to experience the beauty of life with such joy and presence if these parts of me weren’t so BIG.

Now, when I look back on those conversations and life experiences, I see myself as powerful and brave for willingly opening myself up, honestly sharing and stepping forward in situations that intimated me.

I felt so deeply and cared so much – my heart was wide open. And I don’t care how much it hurts in the moment; I WILL NOT CLOSE MY HEART.  

I realize now that vulnerability  + being different are signs of bravery. I see my emotions + sensitivity as the path that leads me to living my best life and believing in myself.

Somethings I used to feel shame around transformed to things that make me feel strong and courageous + CONFIDENT:

I asked for raises from bosses that said no without blinking – BRAVE
I spoke what was heavy on my heart to friends without knowing if they would reject or judge me – BRAVE
I told loved ones when I was deeply concerned for their wellbeing without knowing if they would disconnect or hate me – BRAVE
I stood up in front of a room filled with people and shared my story while my hands shook and my eyes filled with tears – BRAVE
I invested in coaching programs and started a new career – BRAVE

These are acts of courage and strength. They also included tears, nerves, and  A LOT of fear! This is true to any action we take that we deeply care about. Begin to redefine yourself –  begin to recognize the strength and bravery within you. Begin to reconnect with your power by claiming it. 

Because at the end of the day, “It is whatever you think it is.”
If you view your life circumstances as bad and helpless – they will be. If you view yourself as weak or “overly” sensitive – you will feel that way.

Your turn: What life experiences, personality traits, heartaches, or brave conversations have led you to feel shame about your worthiness? Is it possible for you to have compassion for yourself and to view yourself as BRAVE/COURAGEOUS/STRONG instead?

This activity will support you in building your confidence and in recognizing who you truly are!

With Unlimited Love,
Orly