Telling Yourself You Don’t Know?
“Seek the truth or bury your head in the sand. Both require digging”– Andrew Nolan
From time to time, we all bury our heads in the sand. When we are confronted with challenges and get overwhelmed we may refuse to acknowledge the problem and turn the other way out of fear.
I have done this many times in relationships, jobs, finances and it doesn’t feel good. If there is a problem, I want to acknowledge it, feel my feelings around it and then take any steps necessary to move forward.
This comes up in sessions often, clients say, “I don’t know” I don’t know what to do about this problem. I don’t know which decision to make. I don’t know why this is happening. The thought is, if I knew what to do or how to solve this then I would be happy or would no longer struggle with this problem.
Yet, as we continue talking, it becomes clear that they do know. Their heads come out of the sand and they know EXACTLY what they want, even clearly coming up with solutions or ideas to move forward.
The truth is not that they don’t know and if they did they’d be free, the truth is there is an underlying reason they are choosing to put their heads in the sand. These 3 are usually at the top of the list!
- Fear – they don’t want to face it because it would mean changes and unknowns that are uncomfortable and scary.
- Denial – they aren’t being honest with themselves because it’s too painful to face, admit or understand.
- Indecision – they are choosing to be on the fence because it feels safer. Not making a decision (regardless of whether it’s an honest decision or not) is safer than making a mistake. Also, analyzing options and choices is a great way to keep us occupied and in our heads.
All of these share one important factor AVOIDANCE. AKA Head in the Sand.
We avoid because we’re not ready yet, we avoid because we’re afraid, we avoid because it’s not perfect and it doesn’t make sense.
The result is anxiety, obsessive thinking, blaming others, or shaming ourselves for the problem.
If the problem is avoiding it, the solution is then facing it.
Here are 3 ways to get your head out of the sand.
- Face the Truth – With support you can talk about it, write about it, or share it honestly even if it doesn’t make sense or if you feel shame, embarrassment. Essentially, facing the problem means being vulnerable.
- Feel Your Feelings – Acknowledge your shame, sadness, anger or confusion. Let yourself welcome any emotions with the trust and knowing that they will pass.
- Get Clear – there are always facts and evidence backing our overwhelming “out of control” fears. If we get through the first two steps, getting clear about what is “actually” happening or happened makes it possible to know what steps to take next. Look at the evidence and you can tackle any challenge that comes your way.
Any problem or challenge is figure-out-able and using the steps above you can move through the struggle and come to a clear and honest conclusion. We are more capable then we realize and your problems do not have to take you down – you are more powerful then they are (kinda like when we are scared of spiders)! I hope this supports you on your journey!
Check out a few of my most recent publications:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/
https://www.purposefairy.com/
https://www.purposefairy.com/
UNLIMITED Love + Light,
Orly